Hope

"Is the thing with feathers

that perches in the soul-

and sings the tune without the words-

and never stops- at all-"

(Emily Dickinson)

I am not athletic.

There are few things I dislike as much as running. 

Maybe nothing besides going to the dentist and my monthly visitor.

So we registered for a 5K. For a youth event.

The Color Race For Grace at my school job. 

A pretty amazing thing for an amazing cause.

Human Trafficking. Which is a current commission for the Episocpal Diocese of Atlanta.

A great way for my two jobs to meet. 

A great experience for our youth! To run for a cause. 

And fun because we will be covered in colors.

And I can walk because- stroller problems.

I was surprised with the Hope the event filled me with.

The runners who were RUNNING and kicking my butt were inspiring.

The students of my school were inspiring.

At every color station the students cheered and encouraged every single person.

"Come on! You're almost there!"

"Don't slow down this is to end human trafficking"

"You can do it"

"Here take some water and a rest"

They were being true disciples. 

True leaders. Showing love to strangers. To the athletes...to the out of shape moms.

To the kids who were struggling.

And it was real.

SO many students who I have taught in Intro to Theatre I saw in a totally new light.

I saw them stepping up and taking charge when I thought they were shy kids. 

They cheered me on and made me feel like I could do it and was awesome for pushing my kids in a stroller.

And they did that for every single runner.

It says a lot about their teachers, especially their peer leadership teacher, Lauren Howell who is basically the bees knees. She is a teacher, a prom organizer, a Starbucks lover, a mom, an amazing Christian, a runner and so many things. 

She inspires these kids to inspire hundreds of people and we all leave changed wanting to do more and be better.

Doesn't that give you hope?

I am so thankful for today and the amazing time I had. 

Next year you should be there (or be square) 

What is Love?

(baby don't hurt me...don't hurt me....) 

(...is a battlefield)

This is a question that is debated over and over again. It is the subject of basically every song and usually a part of any book. 

Love. 

This is something I have been struggling with. 

‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’  This is the greatest and first commandment.

 And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 

 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”- Matthew 22:36-40 

let me repeat one part 

And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' 

(disclaimer: stereotypes used below)

How simple does that sound? Like, the easiest thing ever right?

But our neighbors are more than the people we agree with.

It is easy for me to love my gay neighbors, my transgender neighbors, my Episcopalian neighbors, my Presbyterian neighbors, my drag queen neighbors, my Democratic neighbors, My muslim neighbor and my atheist/agnostic neighbors. 

Those are my people. I LOVE those people.  They are the downtrodden and I relate to them.

It is easy for me to use  

‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' 

to show my close minded Baptist/Methodist/Catholic neighbor about how they should love others. I even think of them as "Christians" (emphasis on the QUOTATION MARKS) because they are not accepting of those who are different (specifically the LGBTQ community) but I am JUST AS BAD AS BAD IF NOT WORSE BECAUSE

 I AM NOT LOVING THEM.

I am judging them.

I am judging them for not loving while committing the exact same sin. 

I am a hypocrite.

How do we balance love and healthy conversations? How to we disagree on fundamental issues but still show love and respect. 

This is where we try to define love. 

Handy Dandy Dictionary.com has several definitions and in this case I think 
verb #18 is the best.... "to need or require, to benefit greatly from".
We benefit from these debates. 
We each think about our beliefs.
We have to learn to be articulate about those beliefs.

Isn't is it great for us to be shaken to our very foundation of faith?
Don't we grow in these situations?

Don't we learn to love ourselves more because we can reiterate these facts?
The more we love ourselves don't we grow to love ALL of our neighbors more?

I am trying to love ALL my neighbors, no matter how difficult.  I hope you will join me. 

Panic...

Before kids....panic is running 5 minutes late.

Panic is oversleeping from the alarm, not knowing what you want to order when the waiter or waitress asks, or Target not having your size.

After kids...

it is the panic that they haven't rolled over/scooted/grown a tooth/smiled/pooped today 

or slept too much or two little.

Then Finley's eyes go in two totally different directions one Monday before work.

You can't breathe.

You try to avoid Google.

You Google.

You WebMD.

It is either nothing or death.

You read enough to convince yourself that it will be okay. 

Christmas happens.

No issues.

Then one night his eyes roll back into his head and then go into two different directions.

You avoid Google.

You Google.

You WebMD.

You post in a Facebook group while you hate yourself.

You decide to call the pediatrician.

Then next day your pediatrician says "Y'all have the worse luck".

You are going to be referred to a neurologist or an ophthalmologist.

You try not to freak out. 

You sort of do.

YOU ARE PANICKED.

You don't want to be because there are people out there with REAL PROBLEMS. 

Their children won't ever walk.

You don't have the right to panic.

But you do. 

Then....you go to the referral appointment. And you try not to act like a crazy. 

Then finally...after dilation and crying and wrestling....

it is a 100% treatable problem.

And you feel like an idiot for panicking.

But it is your baby.

And I guess that is what being a mom is?

But that is a "girl" thing.....

Gender.

According to one of my brilliant students it is a sphere.

As a mom....it is freaking stressful.

I, who love all people regardless of sexual orientation (love to my LGBTQ peeps) find myself stressed out about gender roles closer to the holidays than ever.

A few years ago a mom posted about her son being gay (or not) and the internet lit on fire! 

This was the adorable image attached:

People were taking sides.

"How dare you let your son do that?!?!"

"You go girl!"

I as an idiot newly wed didn't totally understand. I would support my child.

I still feel that way.

But then....

One of my boys prefers a pink toy over a blue and people say "That is a girl color".

The Little Mermaid  or Frozen is playing and they are entranced by the princesses.

My mother in law purchases a high chair with pink flowers and birds and someone says 

"Why did you buy a girl one?!?"

I look at things on Amazon for Christmas and the toys I lean toward are a tea set, a purse and a kitchen.

And a panic clenches my stomach

"WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK".

That is my fear.

I love my boys.

They love to splash in a bird bath that a cat may (or may not have) drank out of,

they love playing in the laundry, they love pink things and they love cars. 

Why am I worried?

It is proven that people are born the way they are and are basically nurtured into an environment that teaches them to love themselves or loathe themselves.

(I am paraphrasing a HUGE debate into a sentence) 

But...apparently.... that is what I think.

So why then do I say 

"Oh, Finley is all boy"

Why don't I just say "Oh, Finley is all Finley"

 I hate those stereotypes. 

I went to women's college.

I have recently emptied and refilled and reset my water heater.

I know how to drive a fence post, work a table saw, and only shave my legs to the point where they are exposed.

I also like manicures.

Mr. Boo probably spends more time on personal grooming than I do.

Why is that girly?

Why is me liking beer, chicken wings and farting manly?

Who decided this crap?

Why is blue boy and pink girl?

Why are girls supposed to be nurses and teachers and boys pilots, cowboys and doctors?

Why isn't it okay for a man to stay home with the kids?

Why don't girls speak up in STEM classes?

Why don't boys write?

Because we scare them.

I am terrified for my boys.

I am so worried of someone crushing who they are by trying to fit them into a mold.

I have seen it in my friends.

I have seen it in my students.

I am pretty sure Jesus taught us all to love.

For me love is unconditional.

Can't we just love our brothers and sisters for who they are?

For the "content of their character"?

Not for the color of their skin or if they are "male" or "female"?

I just want my children (current and future) to grow up believing in themselves. 

Knowing I and the rest of the world love and accept them.

NO. MATTER. WHAT.

I just want them to be kind. 

And accepting of others.

And more importantly themselves.

Can't we all try to make their world better than ours?

This is all I wish.

Let it be.

Don't try to fit anyone into a box.

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you."

John 15:12

Love each other. 

Twin Talk Blog!

Today I am featured on Twin Talk Blog talking about gifts for 1 year old Twin Boys!

Check it out!

They have gift suggestions for all twin ages, etc and it is just a great community for twin moms! 

(and all moms)

Check it out!

Twin Talk Blog!

Adventure to Santa? or a journey through Hell?

So....as parents there are thing we feel we must do. 

One of these things for me this year was to go to the mall and get Santa pictures.

Mr. Boo's school has a GREAT Santa at their annual Christmas at the Creek but you can't access the pictures digitally. This was important to me because we are a techie family. 

We are on Thanksgiving Break (praise) and were planning a trip to North Point Mall for errands and I figured "kill two birds with one stone". 

I went online to their website and found this:

"North Point Mall and Dream Works Animation take guests on a never-before-seen, magical experience with Adventure to Santa. Join Shrek and his friends as they take you on an interactive journey to find Santa at the North Pole.

ONCE YOUR JOURNEY IS COMPLETE, YOU’LL VISIT WITH SANTA AND POSE FOR A KEEPSAKE PHOTO OF YOUR UNFORGETTABLE EXPERIENCE!

This 15-minute adventure is a must-do for the entire family and does not require waiting in line! Reserve your spot todayNorth Point Mall and Dream Works Animation take guests on a never-before-seen, magical experience with Adventure to Santa. Join Shrek and his friends as they take you on an interactive journey to find Santa at the North Pole.

ONCE YOUR JOURNEY IS COMPLETE, YOU’LL VISIT WITH SANTA AND POSE FOR A KEEPSAKE PHOTO OF YOUR UNFORGETTABLE EXPERIENCE!

This 15-minute adventure is a must-do for the entire family and does not require waiting in line! Reserve your spot today"

SOLD.

I love Shrek.

I love making reservations.

I hate waiting in line.

Well... we hit a few snags right off. 

There were no reservation times showing up online until 8:30 pm but I read/researched further (because I think I am Penelope Garcia) and saw you could get without a reservation.

We planned to arrive at the mall when it opened (Disney trips have trained us) to make sure we got in first. 

LIES.

When we got to the counter we had to make a reservation for later....1:42pm. This wasn't awful. We were running late as usual so it was 10:30. We figured we'd do all our errands first, go to lunch, drive so babies could nap and then return refreshed and ready to go at 1:42pm.

We did. We basically had a blast! We rented a stroller in the mall, went to Target, went to On the Border all with relatively few melt downs. Which is a feat. I mean look at these joyous faces in the fire truck stroller:

This nearly worked. 

Until we returned to Santa Shrek Hell Land.

This is its new name. I try not to be negative but....wow.

We got there before our reservation time. Then I had to wait in line at the RESERVATION desk to get our passport. This took what seemed like 500 million hours. Fletcher was screaming and searching for something. Meanwhile this place is right underneath a sun roof where the sun was beating down on use baking us like cookies in an oven. So we get our passport and then are directed to an area where we are supposed to take a picture with a Shrek statue. We wait. As we are about to hand our passport to the lady a family cuts us off to take their Shrek picture. We decide this is stupid and head over to the other line. We are scanned in and admitted into the line. Fletcher is still crying like he is being baked from the inside out. Finley is crawling all over everything and trying to eat the Christmas tree. 

 Finley has never met a stranger

 why are you making me sit here?

pick me up!

So that took forever.
Then we finally make it in.
Brandon said "I bet we are going to go into smaller and smaller rooms"

Truth.
We enter a room with a terrible actress and the family that cut us off earlier.
She goes through this dog and pony show about how Santa is missing!
Then Shrek and Donkey appear and say we are going to go to the North Pole to find Santa.

So first we are led into a room where we have to design a sleigh on an iPad.
That is wonderful with 15 month olds.

THEN....it gets better....
we enter a room with a SLEIGH!
Which is a virtual reality sleigh ride.
Picture a really bad IMAX.
With vibrations
and water squirting on you.
Fletcher was TERRIFIED.
Finley thought it was great.

Then we go into a room with 6 iPads and four families.
You get to play a snowball throwing game while you wait to FINALLY FINALLY see Santa.
This is difficult with toddlers. Especially a toddler who loves pretty girls and touching them.
Sorry ladies, Finley means well.

Fletcher was basically a burnt cookie by this point.

So they call our name!
We see Santa.
Fletcher is a sweaty sad mess.
Finley is okay. A little out of it.

I actually love all the pictures.


But getting the pictures was another nightmare.
We finally make it out of that dang place and they tell us the dreaded
"It will be a few minutes".
We stood around forever waiting for someone to tell us our pictures were ready.
This never happened.
I had to be pushy (I hate being pushy). And we got our prints and our digital download code and then got the HELL OUT OF DODGE.

With some great pictures....and some not so great memories.

But we'll never get this time back- right?!?

In short- don't believe everything you read....especially this:

This 15-minute adventure is a must-do for the entire family and does not require waiting in line! 

because basically.....multiple lines and waiting are worse than one line.

One of our many  rookie mistakes of parenting.

"The First Six Months Are The Hardest"

You get a ton of unsolicited advice when you are pregnant. 

Especially when it is twins...twin mamas and people who are connected with twins come out of the woodwork to help you.

The one piece of advice I clung desperately to was

"The first six months are the hardest" 

or the variation....

"If you can survive the first six months..."

Well.....

I thought I had made it through the wilderness so to speak. 

The first year was difficult but not as hard as I thought it would be.

Basically feeling like super mom.

And then 15 months hit.

Like a tornado.

A big, crying, tantrum throwing, WALKING (only one of them), talking, biting, yelling, kissing, waving tornado. 

This is all in the midst of an insanely busy month of work.

One act, a big ole musical 

and then one act again. 

Plus Mr. Boo is in a musical himself so our family dinners sound more like production meetings or calendar meetings. 

But I digress....

 the first six months were basically a walk in the park.

Sure, for the first three months we were waking up every three hours and feeding them but we were also on maternity leave for 8 of those weeks. 

A BREEZE.

Sometimes I just want to sleep forever and never wash another load of laundry or teach another class. Just nap forever. 

Or run away to Neverland.

Sometimes the Mom Guilt is so overwhelming I don't know what to do
(more on this later).
Sometimes when people say "I don't know how you do it" I want to burst into tears and say 

"I don't either".

Sometimes it feels like I am being held together by old fishing line. 

But then....

I see Finley walk to communion for the first time guided only by his daddy (not holding his hand).

I see Fletcher cover his eyes with his hands and wait to play peek a boo and laugh when it happens.

I see them hug each other. 

I hear them singing and talking to each other before bed. 

I see the people at our church embrace them and talk to them like people.

I hear "uh oh" as they drop their cups for the millionth time and even though it is the MILLIONTH time it is still so freaking adorable. 

They call me "ma". And kiss me 

And my heart is filled.

And all that other self pity tired crap goes away.

Because this is true love. 

And it is worth it.

And someday I will sleep again. I will be able to be amazing like my family and babysit for my grandchildren so they can get a break. 

I guess really what I am trying to say is....don't cling to advice....take it but don't hope it is the answer.....except for maybe this because it is so true:

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8