What's God got to do with it?

"There is room, there is room there is room

at the table....at the table....

there is room....at the table"

This was the song at the Montreat Youth conference the year I attended. Myself and many other Presbyterian youth from all over gathered at a the beautiful campus of Montreat and explored this theme. I can't remember what summer it was. Or if I went to Montreat more than once but I know it defined for me my high school faith journey. There was room at the table for everyone. This was what I believed. In my small group I confirmed this telling my own story (bad babysitter stuff) and telling me that "God will heal all your wounds and will make you whole- he still loves you". In the setting of Montreat this was amazing. Making sandwiches and making large beds with all the other youth were also part of our daily fellowship. I also distinctly remember visiting a non denominational church and our leaders telling us to breathe in the experience.

Another summer we journeyed on a Mission Trip to Washington DC on a train and were basically Irish in the back and almost got kicked off for taking ice. This experience was amazing. I remember searching for a "Yes!" shirt with V.Rey because we were obsessed with "Sisterhood of the traveling pants". These Presbytery events were my lifeblood. A family beyond my theatre family that saved me.

My youth group held a grand total of two. My BFF V.Rey and I represented the First Presbyterian Church of Cleveland GA. And we loved it. We went to all the Presbytery events and even joined the Youth Council and climbed the ranks to being co-moderators (basically co presidents) my senior year. I loved it. I was passionate about God and I loved the different people I met in the Presbytery- I mean we had a pastor named Buddha, a man who wore kilts and we called "goat man" and we had a communist with IBS. It was amazing world of diversity and healthy discussions and love of faith.

Then someone tried to start a GSA at my high school and God became intrinsically and inexplicably linked to hate. I remember hearing a certain church was coming to our town and I remember V.Rey and I calling them on speaker and trying to give them a piece of our (mainly V.Rey's) mind. They were the most close minded Christians I had ever met. I felt like my whole town was going crazy over some students who were trying to create a place of love and support. I remember my drama teacher telling me I needed to take a stand with those students but I was so so afraid. So I didn't until the storm blew over but my world of faith was rocked.

Fast forward to college....I attended a small women's college in Gainesville (looking at YOU BRENAU). And I entered a pageant where I had to have a platform. I chose equal rights for LGBT individuals because of my high school experience. I remember people saying "I didn't know she was a lesbian" and feeling like an outcast from the other Christians at the school. People I really connected with and loved and cared about were atheists or agnostics and I felt like that may be where I belonged.
A place that loved people no matter what which Christians had proven to me that they did not do.

I abandoned the church with glee.
I am spiritual but not religious.
All of that bunk we buy into while we are "finding ourselves".
So I didn't pray for years. I just loved people.
But something was missing.

So I started singing at my boyfriend's (now husband's) church job.  Because every choir needs more sassy altos.
And it made it better and worse.
One pastor vibed with me.
The other did not.
I would make eye contact with Brandon during some sermons and have to remember to bite my tongue. I would leave every Sunday feeling like "Why don't these people get it- this is why I am not a Christian anymore".

Once a week.

Then we got engaged....and I knew we had to find a church. I felt it.
There was a small Presbyterian church near where we lived that accepted all people and preached loved. We felt like that would be our church home. We reached out and were granted marriage counseling and to be married there.
WE LOVE THE PASTOR.
He helped us prepare for the stakes of marriage and our wedding was everything it needed to be (including my high school pastor) and we felt like maybe that could be our home.
But we visited and it was not right.
Bob was perfect but the members were not what we expected.
I was turned off again.
We would see the man that married us and I would feel guilty and he would say
"I don't do guilt- you have to come back when it is right for you".

And I would feel guilty and crawl into a hole.
Rinse and repeat. Year after year.
Until...
until....
I got pregnant with twins.

Nothing to make you think about life but children.
We were honored to be the Godparents of one of the most amazing little boys on earth.
And his baptism was the Easter I was pregnant at a gorgeous little Episcopal Church
(God is not subtle in his signs- RESURRECTION).
So we went to the service.
And even though I had to leave because I thought I might heat stroke.....
I felt at home.
The service was just what I needed.
Later I Googled Episcopalians and found out we were on the same page.
Brandon and I said "That could be our home".
But pregnancy takes a toll.
And twin newborns do even more.
So we waited until we felt like we had a handle on parenting (after spring break)...
we decided "April 20th we will start attending".
The Monday (April 14th) of that week Fr. Scott Kidd posted a message about needing a youth leader.

God was saying "go forth".
So I did.
I messaged Scott.
We started attending and earnestly wanted to be a part of the church regardless of whether we became the youth leaders or not.
We baptized our boys.
We were confirmed.
We found our tribe.
God led us there.
Our marriage is better.
Our family is better.
My life is better.

That is what God has to do with it.
Reaching his hand in and leading you to people who believe the same way and love the same way as you.
And that is enough.
HE is enough.
Amen

An Open Letter To The Restaurants Of The World

Dear Restaurant,

I have worked in you. I have been a hostess/waitress. I understand the logistics of seating sections and fairness blah blah blah. I get it.

But I have twin toddlers.

SO.... when we come to you in our distressed mode I would like a little common courtesy and decency. I promise you I will tip you 30%. I know we are a nightmare. I have planned for this dinner extensively. I have toys they have never seen, snacks up my butt and sippy cups full of drinks and my phone loaded with apps to try and keep them appeased. But for the LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THE WORLD can you please do these few little things

1. DO NOT SIT US IN A SMALL ROOM WITH OLDER COUPLES (I am looking at you Fudpuckers), SIT US IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM (seriously more people will be hit with toys and or food), OR SIT US CLOSE TO THE KITCHEN. All of these things are going to disturb all of your customers and waiters. Put us in the corner booth. Please. The mafia booth. Or if you have a party room put us there. I will pay the extra.

2. BRING US NAPKINS. All of them. I have baby wipes but they are not enough.

3. MEXICAN RESTAURANTS KEEP THE CHIPS COMING. Toddlers cannot breathe if they are not snacking. Other restaurants....give me all your bread and crackers and appetizers. I will pay. Please. They are insane and don't want their new toys or snacks I brought.

4. MAKE ME ORDER FOOD WHEN YOU TAKE OUR DRINK ORDERS. We cannot be here longer than 45 mins. After 45 minutes they will turn into Gremlins regardless of nap time, lunch eaten or sedatives given.

5. JUST BRING THE CHECK WHEN YOU BRING THE FOOD. Because at any minute I am going to need to GTFO ASAP because Finley has cut Fletcher with a knife or Fletcher has bitten Finley or I am having a nervous breakdown.  I will tip you.

6. PUT IN A CHANGING TABLE! I have changed poopy diapers on too many floors to count. And I am not trying to take my boys to some five-star restaurant. Usually, we just want pizza or Mexican food.

7. PLEASE remember we are people. People who do not want to be stuck at home eating some frozen meal or forced to cook while toddlers attack us like raptors. We know we are the worst. We feel guilt. But we also want to see the outside world. When the zombie apocalypse comes we will be stuck at home enough.

8.  KEEP THE MARGARITAS/ALCOHOL coming. I will sober up when I smell the wrath of the quesadilla/beans in 15 minutes. But I want to be a college student for .25 seconds.

9. KNOW THAT I APPRECIATE YOU. I know when you see our table with two highchairs you want to clock out for an extended smoke break/potty break/just leave because you don't want to deal with it. I will vacuum and sweep if you bring me the tools.

10. BE PATIENT. They are little people who are a roller coaster of emotions. They are learning how to survive in the world. The restaurant is a new and exciting but scary place for them. You can make it our break it. Regardless I will tip you  well because I know we are a nightmare. But if you slip me some extra bread- I will slip you an extra 5% (including my 2 margaritas).

XOXO

Me
(and parents of toddlers everywhere)

D.O for the B.O

Let's talk about.....body odor 

BABY.

Let's talk about you and me and how we sweat and stink.

In high school/college/all my life

I was the girl buying the intense stuff.
Basically medical grade without the prescription. 

I remember the armpits of my shirts hardening and becoming basically non fabric because of the intense deodorant I used.

HOWEVER....tons of articles/stuff the internet told me made me think this deodorant will kill me.

Being a mom makes you reevaluate this stuff...

my awesome mother in law (I seriously ADORE her)

Bought me some awesome deodorant

 for Christmas that was 100% natural AND ACTUALLY FREAKING WORKED

And I LOVED IT. 

Trying to live healthier right?

Boo got on board and it was gone....then I tried a more expensive version

Worked ok....felt a little stinker......

THEN I FOUND DOTERRA!!!

and thought....why the heck don't we make our own deodorant....

I went on a Pinterest rage and found this  amazing recipe! 

AND IT WORKS. 

And it cost way less than 8.99 for us to make TWO jars of it. 

We used lemon grass and melaleuca oils for the scent/oil.

It was humid as heck today and I am not stinky.

It works, y'all! 

Theatre for the Very Young....

Before I became a High School drama teacher, I had other plans.

Not that teaching is a secondary choice for me.
Life literally steered me in that direction and I haven't looked back.

I wanted to get my MFA in Theatre for Young Audiences (TYA) and maybe be an education director of a professional theatre someday.

Now I am an education director in so many ways. 

I pride myself that my students look forward to our school visits and our performances for elementary students. 

I always thought "Elementary school is where we have to get them to become lifelong theatre goers"

Then I learned about Theatre for the Very Young (TVY) at the Alliance during  a Georgia Thespian Conference when I was pregnant  from Rosemary Newcott who I knew from an internship I did with the Collision Project (another amazing educational theatre program in Atlanta).

Our first TVY- "Little Raindrop Songs"

It sounded amazing. I don't remember exactly how the conversation went but she described to us how they were doing the tortoise and the hare. She said that if a child crawled or walked out into the space they would become a part of the performance and that developmentally and for the purposes of the performances that was importance for that audience member to approach the space. She also said a four month old watching that child enter the space would be as important as the story itself. 

I knew this would be something we would take our sons to. 

I waited until they were over the age of one to take them.

I purchased my first ever season tickets for their TVY season.

Show #2 "The Lizard and El Sol"

Today we finished our first season with "Roob and Noob". Lots of my friends have or are having babies and need to bring your babies to this! I will walk you through what a performance is like and then tell you why it is important! 

So you arrive at the Woodruff Arts Center- which is pretty exciting for toddlers

Then you go upstairs to a room where you do some prep for the performance. For "Little Rain Drop Songs" we colored a rain drop and listened to a book, for "The Lizard and El Sol" we colored a picture of the Lizard and the Sun. Roob and Noob was my favorite experience in this room. There was a map to color but the best part.....blocks and balls to play with!

What is great about this "experience room" is that it is an important element of the performance. It gets the children used to each other for one thing and (for Roob and Noob especially) it introduces elements of the show. The children today were building things just like the characters! 

Then you are led (very much like cattle because we all have babies) to the performance space. Each time when we've entered we've received something or exchanged something. For "Raindrop Songs" it was a cloud pillow for our raindrop picture, for "Lizard" we gave a rock ticket, and today we got some pillows (cushions for the booty).

Then the performance starts. 

There is always music and a inclusive environment is created. 

Each show has a fairly simple plot but one that is engaging for the children. 

Children are able to enter the playing space (as you can see our obnoxious boys are here) and they become a part of the performance seamlessly. Usually they will return to their parents. Not all children explore during this time (and I often worry Fletcher and Finley shouldn't) but some do and it is usually pretty awesome. 

Then there are times when all children are included. Today they were given egg shakers to help water a flower and to play with leaves (they went through all the seasons). "Raindrop Songs"  they swam and during "Lizard" they helped find the sun and then even were a part of a fiesta! 

Each performance is so special and unique. As they become used to it they also become more confident. I've seen it over this season with my boys. Fletcher is usually very timid and shy and still starts out that way but becomes confident. 

According to Lynne Kingsley there is  lot of research that shows dramatic play is important in development. She mentions Vygotsky and his beliefs that imaginative play and exploration help children learn how their world works and how to interact with other people. 

So people bring your babies to the theatre. To this theatre. 

Check out Toddler Take Over with me this May and their season next year. 

It is seriously the best. 

Hope

"Is the thing with feathers

that perches in the soul-

and sings the tune without the words-

and never stops- at all-"

(Emily Dickinson)

I am not athletic.

There are few things I dislike as much as running. 

Maybe nothing besides going to the dentist and my monthly visitor.

So we registered for a 5K. For a youth event.

The Color Race For Grace at my school job. 

A pretty amazing thing for an amazing cause.

Human Trafficking. Which is a current commission for the Episocpal Diocese of Atlanta.

A great way for my two jobs to meet. 

A great experience for our youth! To run for a cause. 

And fun because we will be covered in colors.

And I can walk because- stroller problems.

I was surprised with the Hope the event filled me with.

The runners who were RUNNING and kicking my butt were inspiring.

The students of my school were inspiring.

At every color station the students cheered and encouraged every single person.

"Come on! You're almost there!"

"Don't slow down this is to end human trafficking"

"You can do it"

"Here take some water and a rest"

They were being true disciples. 

True leaders. Showing love to strangers. To the athletes...to the out of shape moms.

To the kids who were struggling.

And it was real.

SO many students who I have taught in Intro to Theatre I saw in a totally new light.

I saw them stepping up and taking charge when I thought they were shy kids. 

They cheered me on and made me feel like I could do it and was awesome for pushing my kids in a stroller.

And they did that for every single runner.

It says a lot about their teachers, especially their peer leadership teacher, Lauren Howell who is basically the bees knees. She is a teacher, a prom organizer, a Starbucks lover, a mom, an amazing Christian, a runner and so many things. 

She inspires these kids to inspire hundreds of people and we all leave changed wanting to do more and be better.

Doesn't that give you hope?

I am so thankful for today and the amazing time I had. 

Next year you should be there (or be square) 

What is Love?

(baby don't hurt me...don't hurt me....) 

(...is a battlefield)

This is a question that is debated over and over again. It is the subject of basically every song and usually a part of any book. 

Love. 

This is something I have been struggling with. 

‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’  This is the greatest and first commandment.

 And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 

 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”- Matthew 22:36-40 

let me repeat one part 

And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' 

(disclaimer: stereotypes used below)

How simple does that sound? Like, the easiest thing ever right?

But our neighbors are more than the people we agree with.

It is easy for me to love my gay neighbors, my transgender neighbors, my Episcopalian neighbors, my Presbyterian neighbors, my drag queen neighbors, my Democratic neighbors, My muslim neighbor and my atheist/agnostic neighbors. 

Those are my people. I LOVE those people.  They are the downtrodden and I relate to them.

It is easy for me to use  

‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' 

to show my close minded Baptist/Methodist/Catholic neighbor about how they should love others. I even think of them as "Christians" (emphasis on the QUOTATION MARKS) because they are not accepting of those who are different (specifically the LGBTQ community) but I am JUST AS BAD AS BAD IF NOT WORSE BECAUSE

 I AM NOT LOVING THEM.

I am judging them.

I am judging them for not loving while committing the exact same sin. 

I am a hypocrite.

How do we balance love and healthy conversations? How to we disagree on fundamental issues but still show love and respect. 

This is where we try to define love. 

Handy Dandy Dictionary.com has several definitions and in this case I think 
verb #18 is the best.... "to need or require, to benefit greatly from".
We benefit from these debates. 
We each think about our beliefs.
We have to learn to be articulate about those beliefs.

Isn't is it great for us to be shaken to our very foundation of faith?
Don't we grow in these situations?

Don't we learn to love ourselves more because we can reiterate these facts?
The more we love ourselves don't we grow to love ALL of our neighbors more?

I am trying to love ALL my neighbors, no matter how difficult.  I hope you will join me. 

Panic...

Before kids....panic is running 5 minutes late.

Panic is oversleeping from the alarm, not knowing what you want to order when the waiter or waitress asks, or Target not having your size.

After kids...

it is the panic that they haven't rolled over/scooted/grown a tooth/smiled/pooped today 

or slept too much or two little.

Then Finley's eyes go in two totally different directions one Monday before work.

You can't breathe.

You try to avoid Google.

You Google.

You WebMD.

It is either nothing or death.

You read enough to convince yourself that it will be okay. 

Christmas happens.

No issues.

Then one night his eyes roll back into his head and then go into two different directions.

You avoid Google.

You Google.

You WebMD.

You post in a Facebook group while you hate yourself.

You decide to call the pediatrician.

Then next day your pediatrician says "Y'all have the worse luck".

You are going to be referred to a neurologist or an ophthalmologist.

You try not to freak out. 

You sort of do.

YOU ARE PANICKED.

You don't want to be because there are people out there with REAL PROBLEMS. 

Their children won't ever walk.

You don't have the right to panic.

But you do. 

Then....you go to the referral appointment. And you try not to act like a crazy. 

Then finally...after dilation and crying and wrestling....

it is a 100% treatable problem.

And you feel like an idiot for panicking.

But it is your baby.

And I guess that is what being a mom is?